pathological optimist

A pathological optimist, that's what they get Since I drive a hard bargain, and I can't say I regret All the choices I've made, all the damage I've caused For once the bullet is bit, you got to unwind the jaws I don't live in fear; life's too short to waste away On the meat and potatoes of a candy-laden bouquet Laced with I wish I may and I wish that I might Grasping for something that doesn't hold on so tight

A fear of change, a fear of the unknown Make some room for the criminally ungrown Unwinding bullets that have been bit And lives that just don't fit

A life of change, a fear that some would rival While standing on the corner of Alaska and survival Unhappy and stranded just a few miles away From an around-the-corner most beautiful everyday

No one is perfect; at least I haven't met them yet But one thing I know, it's all I can show, That life's not something to regret

Feelings and fairness, assorted options to choose When it comes to days to weeks to the years you lose Based on somebody else and the things that they need It's time to shake off the fear so that maybe you'll see That fear of change, that fear of the unknown Make some room for a life all your own And unwind those bullets that have been bit Live a life you won't regret

could you have you would you

The sun through the blinds, said you had to go Someone was waiting for you at home I've been waiting so long, I'm just not that strong I can't help the thought of being alone

You make it so hard to understand the situation So unclear your intentions, but seizing with demonstration I use you, my muse, to spark the excuse But the truth is I feel more than a mere admiration

Could you, have you, would you ever? Once you told me, I could never, Understand this, touch this, be so clever To see you

So embarrassing to admit everyone's obvious But playing along just seems way too ambitious It's sometimes hard to hide, I can't help but try But I have to tell you it's getting way too suspicious

Not long ago, it used to be easy to let go But you tighten the grip, you like to feel in control You play me like your strings, and sometimes it stings But you won't miss a beat, this metaphor that you stole

Now it's clear, these thoughts you've kept all along A phase too precious to seem long gone I held on too tight, I thought I was right To think someone like you could feel something so wrong

me

Cradling the thought, 30 years in the making Having nowhere to put it but still you keep taking But as long as you have it, you can sleep at night

A world of convenience, status, what's he driving Keeping ourselves at bay, not worthy of striving To become someone willing to do what's right Stricken with luxury, it's hard to remember Things like gratitude, fortitude, a simple thank you to hand her as she clears off your table, or refills your glass

So many things we all take for granted Like somehow our thoughts, our view goes uncounted Keeping it real just won't give us much class

Well, it's all a game to me The way the world should be Well, If it were up to me To me, to me

We'd be helpful to others, a stranger to no one We'd all get along, bury all the guns We'd treat ourselves right, happy human cliches And at the end of the day, after the tips have been counted She takes off her shoes thankful to be fed, and remembers each soul that she touched that day

She'd say it's all a game to me The way the world should be It's all in what I see In me, in me

She says it's all up to me, I only have control Over me and my mind, my body and my soul I try to survive, in society's cage

I'm not sure about you, your intentions, your journey without me I am nothing, without you to some degree we're all actors together, trying to find a stage

when i'm ready

All this time I keep waiting for something to come to me I understand now that I can't keep waiting for something I can't see It's in the mirror; I have to find it within myself again If it was there at all, well, who is the creator of where it all began It takes me to read it to hear it to hear it to read it again and again Not until I see it til I feel it, I guess I'll wait until then

The man on the street he tells me he sees it and can't see why I don't I say I'm looking so chill out, please sir it's not just that I won't When I'm ready I have faith that all will come to me I understand now that it's more than a feeling, it's all that I can be When I'm ready When I'm ready It will come to me All I can be When I'm ready When I'm ready

must be love *

There you go, rolling down the road Willing to wait, you won't hesitate All to gravitate to the one that you love

Big picture says a world built for two Trading the old, fighting to hold Onto the mold of what you think is love

This road runs long, it's more right than it is wrong I've got plenty of gas, let's left lane 'round our past, is this love?

A big neon sign, just up ahead However uncouth, cascading with truth Missing my youth to believe in true love

The thought of a world built for one Incredibly queasy, playing with fantasy I wish it were easy, but it can't be, it's love This road runs long, this feeling is strong I've got plenty of gas, are we going too fast? This might be love

Dodging the traffic of what's done, what's to come Looking for the green light, if you, if you are the one

This road runs long, too right to be wrong I've got plenty of gas, there's the bathroom we just passed, this must be love

let's dance

Words are hard when you really want to tell someone how you feel I get it wrong, half the time, just trying to keep it real Keep yourself together, and spit it out, just get it over with It's ok, no matter what, at least you got it out What's it all for, all the games we play, hiding away Just put it out there, take a chance, who knows we might just dance

Friends are hard, when they really piss you off, and you want to tell them how you feel But you must find the perfect words, you gotta keep it real And so you do, you tell 'em true, you initiate You put it out there, solve the crime, it's peace now you create Love is hard, when you really don't know how someone feels You know you're cute, and so am I, we gotta keep this real Let's tell the truth, one at a time, ok you go first Forget the games, it's just you and me, we gotta break this curse What's it all for, all the games we play, hiding away Just put it out there, take a chance, who knows might be romance Or just a dance You gotta take that chance C'mon and let's dance

she's waiting

She wears her heart on her sleeve so that She can say that she believes in A place where we can all be free Free to love whoever we please

Black or white girl or boy All the choices all the toys, well Some are taken, some have plans Some take love whenever they can

She's waiting, anticipating With an open heart and an open mind She wants more than her heart can find

Some too short, and some too tall This one's just right, now watch her fall, so that He can tell her that she's too late, Someone's beat her at this game of fate

So her walls are pretty high now, She's not gonna fall for just some cute guy So she tries this one, she tries that one How much longer til she meets the right one?

When she finally gives in That it's all about her, and not about him When all is said and done Love will come She's waiting, anticipating With an open heart and an open mind She just wants what her heart can find

in my head *

Clutching the fantasy, wishing it were reality Just so you could say it was true The truth it just haunts you like nobody wants to Admit that they've had a few The dream you had brewing, all for your viewing Manifests in front of your eyes You find it hard to describe, this incredible vibe That touches so deep down inside

Why can't the world be like I am, in my head Won't someone whisper what I'd say, in this bed If I looked now would I see you, in front of me Will you be my fantasy

Hiding and feeling like something is missing Just waiting the day to arrive When you realize and respect that no one is perfect Finally it all comes alive

play my game

I'm quick-witted, and charming, and a little bit cute But I'll be the first to admit that I don't have a clue About what it takes, how to challenge the stakes How to find my just-the-right you All the charm in the world gets me nowhere If strategy isn't my strength I've never been one for jumping the gun Gonna learn to bet it on faith

In the game In this game we play One more time around, best two out of three Play my game

I've got moles, and a soul as old as my westy That's ok, because I can say that it's true That as one, it is fun, but baby I can't wait Til the day I decide that I'm through

So you think, that you can beat me This game, it's a tough one to lose It's a hard guarantee but baby you'll see That we win with every move Grin and bear me, I'm worth every penny Cause you know you'll never meet anyone like me, at the game

silence surrounds

Silence surrounds But your body tells me everything I need to hear I look around And tell myself it's all a dream that is unclear You want me, I can tell I want you, like a prison cell What am I going to do? I need you to know You're my drug of choice that keeps me from where I need to go I thank you, for being you And not some bullshit I'm used to What am I going to do?

Lately I see All this trouble here is teaching a lesson to me I open my eyes To find a bigger picture far beyond where my life lies I want to be a better me I have to do it alone you see What am I going to do I know just what I'm going to do

I did my time It took awhile but I think I am ready to find Where are you? You said you'd wait I can't blame you, chalk it up to fate What am I going to do I know just what I'm going to do

I'm going to make it without you I don't need you I know just what I'm going to do I know just what I'm going to do

© 2006 Nikki Moddelmog
all lyrics by nikki moddelmog except where noted
* lyrics by nikki moddelmog and bob hamrick